“I was 8 years old when my dad passed away. My mom was probably 21 then. During Dashain, every kid would wear new clothes. I also desired to have one. When I asked mom, she would say, “Chhori, they are rich kids and have a father. I am poor and a single mother. I can’t pay for it, Chhori.” Although I felt bad and wished my dad was alive, I came to become an understanding daughter. I stopped troubling my mother with my demands from an early age. So I understand how my daughter would feel if I couldn’t cater to what she desires.

She came into my life after two days of labour pain. Doctors had to operate to get her out of my womb. She wasn’t in good health when she was born. They put her in the NICU for 9 days. I tell you, it’s very difficult, especially when your husband isn’t with you in a situation like that. Like many Nepalese, he was destined to earn a living as a migrant worker abroad. No one was there to accompany me for follow-up visits when I was pregnant, and I was on my own for the postnatal care as well. He is still abroad and hasn’t even seen his daughter’s face yet. Thus, the onus of raising her was on my shoulder only.

She is very well behaved. Of course, she gets angry sometimes. When she gets furious, she cries for almost an hour. But when I carry her to walk around and appease her with good words, she eventually says “Okay mommy”. Joining the parenting session with 12 other moms, I was inculcated with a better way of loving a child and training them with new stuff. Before this, I knew very little about attracting the attention of kids.

There have been lots of changes in me after taking the session. In the past, I didn’t really care if she eats well. I mean, since I have to open my shop, I would leave her alone while she eats or plays. I didn’t know that I should mingle with her in all her activities. But now I play ball with her. I try all the ways to win her heart.nShe isn’t even 2 years old, but she tells me to send her to school already.

I feel really special as a mother when I assist her with learning and writing. She asks me to get a cushion as I sit on the floor, stating I might catch a cold. And then as I ask her to repeat alphabets after me, she would ask for a pen to write. I provided her one and she would start making ovals and eggs.

You know, it’s our culture to respect elders. Although we love kids, we don’t really revere them like elders. However, they are also human beings and have their own dignity and thus we need to value it. I used to scold her for playing in the mud. Things have changed now. I no longer chide her. Instead, I help wash her hands with soap. When I try to bathe her, she asks herself where the soap and mug are. After taking shower, she asks for a towel and oil.

She has yet to experience her father’s love and I hope it will happen soon. For now, I am her father and I am her mother.”

(Pramila B, Mahottari)

#becomingaparent
Save the Children in Nepal