“Even today, after so many years, I remember coming 2nd in the class when I was in the 2nd grade. For me that day I felt comfortable at school. The teachers suddenly said nice things and congratulated me. This had never happened before. All my childhood I have lived in fear of adults, not just the teachers but also my parents. When I came 2nd I ran home to my parents. I was so excited. I knew they would hug me and hold me and maybe give me some sweets. When I reached home I saw they were busy. I told them that how I had come 2nd in my class and how all the teachers had said nice things to me. But they were indifferent. Mother said, “Oh, you’ve picked a star, have you? Why do you act like you have done something major, Leave us alone and go do your thing.” I was dismissed. I felt so hurt that I walked back to the kitchen, sat in the corner, and wept.

I never understood why they would treat me like that. On one hand, they said they loved their children but that was no way of loving. But I also realised the concept of nurture very late in life. I have also made mistakes like my parents have.

You see village life is difficult. There is always stress. There is always so much to do. And for women, there is no help. We are expected to cook, take care of the animals, the men, their mothers and fathers, and brothers and sisters, clean the house, and also be nice. How is this possible? And because there was no way for me to vent, sometimes I would impose my anger on my children.I remember leaving my daughters locked inside a room for many hours in a day. I felt inside the empty room, they would be safe. There was no one to look after them. And I have to walk 3 hours to fetch grass. There were times when I came home they would be covered in dirt, exhausted from crying.But I wanted to change. I wanted to do things differently. I grew up in fear of people. And I know it was because I was left alone in the room locked up just like I was doing to my children. I had to change. When I heard about the class on parenting, I jumped to the opportunity. I learned so many things, so many concepts, so many ideas to better raise children. It was all based on love and not fear. For the first time in my life, I would finally start to treat my children differently. Although I know that I have made a lot of mistakes and I cannot take them back even if I wanted to, I am happy that I have made changes in my ways.Today, I listen to my children and what they are trying to say to me. I try to answer their curiosities very politely. Recently, when I was peeling potatoes my younger daughter asked me what I was doing. I explained to her everything. She asked me where it came from and I told her it grew on the soil. She was amazed and I was amazed at her reaction.

This new learning experience has also brought about positive changes in the relationship with my family members especially with my sister-in-law. Things were sour between us and we had stopped talking to each other even though we lived in the same house. My kids did not play with her kids and we never bothered to look after each other’s babies when needed. This animosity was unhealthy but it had come to a point where I felt there is no undoing it. But after we both took the class, we both realised that our quarrel was useless. We started to talk to each other. We let our children play with each other. And we started to look after each other’s babies and even give turns while feeding and bathing them. In learning how to raise children we also learned about ourselves and if we want we can make changes in our own behaviour and apply it not only to children but to our relationships in life. There are times I feel angry and frustrated. I am only human. But I have learned to apply restraint. I do not jump and react. I rather calmly speak to my daughters, praise them and bring them to my side. And it works. For many years I yelled and screamed and raised hands. Love works.

(Bimala B, Jajarkot)

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