“I would always snatch away things from his hand. He would hold a book, I’d snatch it away. If he held a spoon, I’d snatch it. If he held some of my stuff, I’d snatch it. I got into a habit of taking things away from him. When I think back I am not sure why I did it. Maybe in my mind, I felt those objects were unsafe but now I think it was an abuse of power. A power that I wielded on my child by taking away his things. But trying to enforce my will on him. I did not realize at the time I was impeding his growth by not letting him satiate his curiosity. Also, today I think it was by desperate way to take control into my own hands. But when you have a child not everything can be under control. I failed to realize that and thus I was always trying to maintain control at the expense of my own mental peace.

When he would cry, I would just ignore him telling myself that he should not have the object in his hand in the first place. I would try to internally justify my own actions. I never asked nicely. I just took things away.

It was only after I took the parenting sessions I learned the grave mistake I was making by depriving my child of things to hold and touch. I was impeding his growth. I was not letting him be happy. A child likes to feel and play with objects. And they should have the freedom to safely satiate their curiosity. Also, I realize I was not respecting my child as an individual but was treating him like property. I would have not snatched things from an adult but I was choosing to snatch things from my child. I could have nicely asked.

Today, I let him be while keeping an eye on him. When he picks up an object that seems hazardous I explain to him why he should not play with it. I ask him to give it to me and he does. I do not have to snatch things from him.

You see, snatching things was just a symptom of my own underlying problem. I was trying to control my child. And by doing that I was not allowing the pleasure of motherhood. Today, I take it easy and let him be. I let myself be. I feel light and because I feel better I am bonding well with my son. I have stopped snatching and I have learned to ask.”

(Sanu K, Mahottari)

#BecomingAParentSave the Children in Nepal