“My father’s name is Nain Singh Nepali. My grandfather’s name is Goray Kaami. 

At the age of 7, my brother left home without any warning. He must have run away. There were speculations that someone might have forcibly taken him but in my heart that is not the case. He ran away. Kids used to run away in those days. All it took was one beating, one scolding or one empty stomach. This incident hit Father very hard. Today, as I have my own kids, I know what losing a son can mean. And what can you become after such an incident. If my children are not home by sundown my heart starts to worry. My heart starts filling up with bad stuff. So I can understand why my father did everything to find his missing son. And I joined in his quest. 

Someone would come and say to my father, “I had tea with someone who could be your son in Simla.” And we would go. The bus rides were not easy. I would look at father and see his longing to find his son. I knew it was not that easy. My brother had been gone for almost 30 years. He might not even remember us. We might not even recognize him. I was with my father only to keep his hope alive. He was an old man with not many years left in him. I would not want to hurt him by saying what I actually thought. I could not tell him to abandon his search. Returning after all the money spent and after all the hopes crushed was like the experiences in hell. 

This other time we went to Almora in India. But we could not find him. So everywhere we went we had to come back with more pain. Father died of old age. Father died of heartbreak. The last time I went to look was my brother was in Haldani in India. I took my mother with me. After a few weeks, I gave up. The tips we would receive were just very unreliable and it cost us all the money and all our peace. After six months of frantic searching, we returned back.

Today, I do not know if I have the energy to pursue this search. I had a family to feed and a living to earn. But when someone comes and tells you that they have seen my brother, do I just sit quiet and pretend not hearing what is being told to me. Or do I pack my bags and take the bus?”