“Good intentions are not enough when you are raising children. I realized this very late into my motherhood. What really hurts me to this day is how I reprimanded my three children. For me, it was all about discipline and I had always thought that a mother needs to be strict and punishments were the only way to direct a child. But I was wrong and I regret my actions. I remember being exhausted trying to feed the three children and I would be angry all the time. I would pace around the house talking to myself. Maybe it was because I had no one to share my struggle with. Sometimes, I did not like the way I was behaving and it ate me from inside. I knew that I had to be kinder and compassionate towards my children but I could not. I loved them and could not imagine life without them but my actions towards them showed the opposite. It was only after my fourth child was born, I got to attend these parenting sessions that were being held in my community. It gave me a new understanding. It also shocked me how I had altered the minds of my children. I knew it was too late to correct the mistakes of my past but when I expressed my guilt to my counsellor, I was told that it was never too late to change my behaviour. That day, I ran home and hugged my children and vowed that I would change. All the guilt, the anger poured out of me as tears that day.

Today, when my children make mistakes, I take an entirely different approach. Instead of reprimanding them harshly, I explain to them. I could see certain changes in them. They were not hiding things from me like they used to. They had started to come and confess what they did because now they knew that I was not going to react and be angry. I had started to see that they were telling me the truth and were not fearful of me all the time. Today, I have learned to have some fun with my children. I enjoy talking to my children. Their chatter makes me laugh. I watch them play. They sometimes make potteries of mud. And I get my hands dirty too. Before, I never engaged with my children. I never became what they were. Today, I know that you have to be a child sometimes. I realized that you have to reclaim your innocence back and we can do this by playing with the children. Today, I see that they are happy that I am playing with them however silly their game is.

Kids are very curious and learn by playing. They sometimes ask me the names of trees and plants around. They ask for a spade to dig it out. The youngest one is very active with a sharp brain.

Kids should also be told about their boundaries. Today, I do not cater to all their demands. Of course, they are stubborn and keep nagging me for the stuff that they shouldn’t be having. Instead of shouting at them, I explain to them and eventually they understand without throwing a tantrum.I regret not taking the session earlier as I didn’t take much care of the first two daughters. They were asked to work at home and in the fields. They have always been good at their studies. Of course, I didn’t discriminate against them for being girls and I always catered to their needs of books and stationery. But I agree that I didn’t take care of them as needed. The session really opened my eyes. And I am not repeating my mistakes again.”

(Saju Devi M, Mahottari)

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