“Living in a joint family where there are different personalities who assert different opinions, the child can sometimes feel overwhelmed. I have a son who is turning 3. And I am sure he is just trying to figure out the new world, people’s faces, words, and gestures. So as a mother, I get a bit concerned. Will he emulate a bad habit? Will he listen to me? So every night, I have a one-on-one with my son. Although he is always distracted and cannot focus, I tell him about right and wrong in the hope that someday my words of advice will play a role in shaping his character. In recent months I have learned that the way I communicate with my child also has a lasting impact. Am I being too assertive? Do I have the right tone? What approach does the situation require? If I feel like my son has crossed his boundaries, I use an assertive tone to make him understand what I am saying needs to be listened to. If he did something by mistake, I sit calm, I just use a softer tone and tell him that it is okay and that mistakes happen. However, I also explain to him that how the mistake can have an adverse effect in him or others. Not to repeat such a mistake, we (myself and my child) both sit and make boundaries (positive limit setting). Calm, patience, softness and positive limit setting are very important elements for child caring. If he is feeling down for some reason, I use a loving tone and try to make him laugh. You see the classes I am taking have not only taught me these things but it has also taught me about the “human hunger for love.” We all like to be loved. As humans, who do long to be in love, to have an attachment and be in a relationship. That is our security. And children need more love and security from parents. For them love needs to be tangible, it needs to be seen and it needs to be said and expressed using gestures, language, hugs and kisses. I am an involved mother. By that I mean I participate in the daily routine of my son. I help him brush in the morning. I prepare meals for him. I play with him and bathe him. Spending time with my son has helped me bond with him. And I feel in my presence he feels safe. Every time I interact with him, his face becomes bright, and he has a big smile. It makes me really happy. Recently, I was asking him not to put things in his mouth. But he was not listening. Every time he found something he would start chewing it. I did not want him chewing something dirty when I was not looking so I was worried. But this time I held him and looked him straight into his eyes and told him not to put things in his mouth. I explained to him calmly why chewing dirty thing is not good for health, he will have stomach pain etc. I repeated that every day. And when I did I made sure I looked in his eyes. Eye contact and explaining the reason is very critical for limit setting. Eventually, he listened and stopped picking up things although I know he might do it again but for now, what I did has worked. And I rewarded him with some sweets. Children need rewards and they should also know what the reward is for. Since we belong to a big family, I teach him the importance of sharing and caring. Although kids don’t really want to share their food and toys, I ask him to share everything with his cousins and friends. When I work in the kitchen, it’s my duty to serve everyone in the family. When he gets tired I take him to bed and return to finish the dishes. When I return to check on him, he is waiting for me. Only when I put him in my arms and read him a story he sleeps. These moments are special for me and for him too. We call it golden moments. Sometimes, while reading for him, I also fall asleep.

(Rinku M, Mahottari)

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