“For some reason, my eldest sister lived with our maternal family. We were five sisters and I was the second. With my eldest sister not at home, I automatically became the eldest and the responsibility of the 3 younger sisters was given to me. I carried the youngest to school while the other two tailed behind me. Sometimes it took me 2 hours just to reach school since it was up a cliff. Life wasn’t easy. I had to wake up at 4. After cleaning the cowshed and doing other household chores, I had to attend to my siblings. Because of the workload, I did not get enough time to study at home. Our English teacher would instruct us to memorize lessons, for which I used to get punished. I tried reading on my way to school but with three kids with me, it was almost impossible. It was stressful especially when my young siblings struggled to walk. When I returned home, I had no luxury to rest. I had to get a load of fodder or firewood. If I did not accomplish this task, my father and my mother would call out to me and question my behaviour. It was only when my sisters grew up that this difficult life finally came to an end. I tell you, punishment, scolding, crying and struggle were a part of my childhood. Both of my parents were very strict. I remember an incident when I was in Class 9.

You see, I did not enjoy the free will to venture out of the house. One day, my Fupu, invited me to cook and have a meat meal with her. While I was enjoying the meal, I didn’t hear mom shouting for me. When I finished the meal and returned home, my mother beat me black and blue. I had always been a responsible daughter. And I was a grown-up. For my mother to treat me that way was hurtful. That day I wailed for a long time, until the sunset. I almost fainted. I was deeply upset and to this day I cry thinking of the hurt. I know my parents of course loved me. But people of those days seldom expressed their love towards their kids.

Coming from strict family background, I thought that being stern is the only way to discipline and keep my children under control. When I had my own children, I replicated almost the same behaviour as my mom, especially towards my daughter. When she used to seek permission to go out to play, I would ask her to play at home with whatever she had. Moreover, I used to neglect her small demands. She loved momos and when she asked for it, I would heartlessly dismiss her plea. I do not know why I did that. My mother did that and now I was doing the same thing to my children. Only after attending the session, I realised that I was committing the same mistake as my mom did. After taking the parenting session, I have gone through some tangible changes. Even my daughter had noticed that change. Now I readily fulfil her demands without any hesitation. Similarly, I no longer scold her during or after exams for bad results. But, we discuss how to do the next exam better and I also asked her what types of support she needs to better her education/study.

Seeing the change in me, my daughter has also changed. She is jolly and has become more responsible. She shares with me even the smallest thing that happens to her and those around her. I am happy that I have reclaimed my trust in her. I think it was because I stopped negatively to her mistakes like I used to. I stopped putting the blame and helped her discuss the situation together and guided her on how to do better next time. While she is happy about the change, she is surprised as well. She even asked me what had happened to me and the reason behind it. I told her that I had changed to make her happy. I told her that I had changed to make myself happy. She thought it was a silly answer and we both laughed.”

(Tara T, Mahottari)

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