“Mother and Father forcefully married me off when I was only 20. I was learning how to cut and sew. Slowly and steadily I was getting better at it. I had thought once I completed the training I would open a shop and start a small business. But I do not know what my parents had in their minds. They had started looking for a man for me to marry. Every night I would plead and weep. “Please do not send me away. I want to live here. Please do not send me away.” They would be quiet and then bring it up again. One day, my father was furious and he said, “You do not want to get married? Then your place in this house is one corner. Go sit there all your life. Do not expect anything from us.” After these harsh words, I gave up. I swallowed my tears and said I would go wherever they send me. I also got scared. I could not live in a house with a family that did not want me.

My dreams were unfulfilled. I came to my husband’s home. I felt abandoned by my own father and mother. A fear so heavy had taken hold of my mind and body. Every day, I hid my tears from my husband’s family. I pretended everything was ok when I was not happy. I am unable to express anything to them. My husband soon started talking about having a baby before he left to work in a foreign country. I told him that I was not ready. I told him that I wanted to continue with my cutting and sewing training. But he said that he wanted to have a baby before he left. I had no say and not long after that, I got pregnant. 

Pregnancy was difficult. I missed home. I could not stop thinking, fearing, and crying. I lost weight. I would call home and tell my mother about my plight. She would also cry with me. After all, a mother is a mother. I am one now. I am happy that he was born healthy but I still have the fear in my heart. I still miss home. Sometimes I wish I could just go. Sometimes I am afraid for no reason. So I clutch my baby tightly to my chest and breathe heavily. I breathe thinking of home and my mother. Recently, I called my mother and cried with her. She said, “If you feel suffocated why don’t you come back and stay with us?” I asked her why they forced me into marriage in the first place. Why could they not let me stay at home? She went quiet and said, “The society would not let us be in peace with a grown and unmarried daughter living with us.” My mother handed the phone to my father. And he cried. He said, “I am sorry, I made a mistake.” 

Today, the only relief I get is when someone talks to me and listens to me. The counselors who come here have listened to me and they tell me words that give me some hope. I am 22 and I have a whole life ahead of me. I had a son to raise. So I have to be strong and fight with the day. I have to be alive. I have to breathe. For the one that I have given birth to. I have no choice.”

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Stories of Nepal x Health Foundation Nepal