“My father’s sister brought home the marriage proposal. He was her relative. She said, ‘He is a good man. He earns well. And I promise you will live a happy life with him.’ When I did not respond to her in the way she would have liked, she took this to my father. My father and mother are simple farmers. My father does not hear well and he also has difficulty expressing himself clearly. My mother is old too. After listening to his sister, my father said, “Please do not deny us our wishes. We want you to marry this man.” My grandmother also said, “You are a woman and it is the fate of woman to marry a leave one day. So why don’t you marry this good man?” I could not say no to anyone. In my heart, I wanted to study. I was in 11th grade. I was only 16. I did not understand the complexities of relationships and marriage. I agreed. Not long after that, he came to see me. But you see, a beautiful face is not a measure of a beautiful heart. A beautiful face does not reflect the soul of a person. It was just 15 days that I had come to his house. I had done my chores and wanted to take a nap. I went to the room to find out that it was locked. I could hear noises inside the room. When I knocked no one came to answer. I knocked harder and the lock broke and I saw my husband with a girl in our bed.

The girl was my husband’s own cousin sister. I could not believe what I saw. It took me a while to come into terms with what I had witnessed. It was something unimaginable. For me, the fact that he cheated on me was less of a worry than the fact that he was having a sexual relationship with his own family. I confronted them then and there. They were uncomfortable with my questions and ashamed because they had been caught. I told my husband that I cannot bear witness so such an act and that I would go to my parents. He cried and pleaded with me. He said it was a mistake and that he would never do it again. The girl also showed her remorse and left. They were family after all and just to leave them even though I felt hurt did not feel right. My parents never taught me to abandon family. So I thought I should forgive my husband and move on. I did. We both moved to a different city. We opened a shop and things were looking good for both of us. Although I was scared of my husband’s infidelity, I thought he would not repeat his mistakes again. It was when I returned home from visiting my parents, all my hopes were shattered. He had invited his sister again and in my absence, they were together. That day I decided that I was not going to let my husband decide my future. I knew if I stayed with him my life would be filled with misery. So I have decided to leave. I have decided not to live in limbo waiting for things to get better, waiting for my husband to change and give me the love that I need. I have realized that I cannot change my husband and it is not my duty to.”

SoN X Apeiron in Nepal