“Father did not discriminate between a son and a daughter. He was a good man who understood that in every heart their lies innocence. He worked hard and instilled in us the same values – of love and compassion, of hard work and rewards, of decisions and consequences. All four of us – three sisters and a brother went to a government school. Father could not afford to send us to a boarding school. Going to a government school did not deter me from learning. It was also my father’s encouragement, his words of concern that motivated me. He used to advise me to pursue my studies.

After completing high school, due to reasons of my own and my wandering mind, I got married. My parents arranged for it. My husband was in the army so he was away most of the time. Eventually, I gave birth to a baby girl. And after this, I got really busy. I did not have much support to raise my daughter. Had my husband been around, maybe he would have helped me clean and feed our daughter but that was not the case. It was difficult for me. Motherhood is not taught in school. Our society expects that all women who chose to give birth know all the skills of a mother. Due to the constant pressure of the household work, I failed to communicate with my daughter. I did not have the time, I was not so privileged. Sometimes, I would be so exhausted that all I wanted to do was to close my eyes and sit in silence. But the constant attention that my daughter was seeking was overwhelming. I love her but at times I just wished the noise stopped. I expressed my frustration with her and I have other ways to deal with my troubles of motherhood.

It was only after I participated in these parenting sessions in our community and met with other mothers, I realised that I had made a mistake, although unknowingly. After taking the sessions, I no longer complain about her talkative nature. She has curiosities in her mind and she wants answers. I understand that now and rather than being upset I join her. Naturally, kids are very curious; they keep on asking several questions. I now know that we should not avoid our children. There are long-term issues that develop when parents do not give their children the time they deserve. Also, I have seen a tendency in parents to take the shorter route to make their children happy. I don’t blame them because most of the time we are just following what our parents did to us and what we have seen around us. You see, kids often desire what other kids have. But we have to carefully limit their boundaries. Once my daughter wanted a toy after seeing another kid in the neighborhood playing. Naturally, she also demanded that I buy her a toy. Normally, I would do it but I know that if I base her happiness on things rather than feelings then it will only be short-lived. So on that occasion, I appeased her with a ball available at home and showed her how it was much better. Instead of getting individual toys, it is also better to cultivate a habit of sharing. We should not provide everything kids demand just because they are crying. Rather, we should tell them clearly that we cannot afford it if that is the case, and cultivate a habit of being self-responsible. Today, I have also understood discipline. Firstly, the parents need to be disciplined before they expect anything from their children. We should discern between good and bad. What we do is then emulated by them. Even parents commit mistakes at times. In that case, we should not hesitate to beg pardon even with the kids. In that way, they will learn to ask for forgiveness and help cultivate a good culture. Moreover, we should actively participate in their learning process. My daughter loves to draw pictures. Drawing three circles on a paper with a pencil, she once told me that these are the sketches of her papa, mama, and herself. But at the same time, she exclaimed that the limbs are missing. At that time, I helped her with the sketch and tried to draw hands and legs myself. When we completed the drawing we both laughed with joy. And her laughter filled my heart with so much love.

(Ramita K, Mahottari)

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