“Father would cry for me. He had raised a daughter with the hope that she would leave a happier life than the one he had lived. I think he regretted giving me to a man who did not treat me and my children with love. He had no way of knowing. For him, his only wish was to get his daughter married and start her own family. He had good intentions of the heart. And what was done was done. I stayed with my husband for more than 10 years and had 3 children with him. I do not know how I tolerated the cruelty all those years. Every year the beatings got worse. Every year I bled more. And there came a time when the tears dried up and I could not cry, neither in anguish nor in pain. When one day my husband beat me unconscious, I finally decided to leave. I took my children with me. I thought how can a bad husband be a good father. And the love for my children did not allow me to leave them behind.”

Father and mother were only the people who knew me and understood my tears. They were the only people I could go to. There was no place where I could get the protection I needed in the state I was in. I was worried about my children. Without a question, they took me in. My father cried for me and my mother cried too. I saw my father’s health worsen every day. He would sit with tears veiled in his eyes and smoke all day. One day he died. Just like that. It was the worry for his daughter that took him away…

Although life is difficult with 3 children, I have received counseling from some sir and mams from different organisations. Some have come forward to put my son to school and some have come forward to help me sort out the relationship with my husband by using the available laws for women. Out of fear, my husband is nowhere to be found but I am happy that that government has approved my divorce. I am still fighting to make sure my children live a better life than I have and I am willing to do anything for that. I am willing to make any kind of sacrifices that is necessary. And after all these years, I have found support. I have found people with him I can share my story. I have found people with whom I can ask for help. But my heart aches thinking and knowing that there are many other women like me. I still cry thinking of all the others who are still crying. Many will never be able to run away.”

SoN X Apeiron in Nepal