(Part 3/3) “One day, as usual, I had gone to collect grass for the buffaloes. When I returned home and called out on my daughter there was no answer. When I went into the bedroom, I saw her. I screamed. My eldest granddaughter came running and she started screaming too. My daughter had hung herself. She had tied a shawl around her neck. 

If only I had known that such a horrific incident would occur, I would have stayed home. I should have stayed home. But I had no way of knowing that she was so hurt and that she was trying to harm herself. I never thought she would do it when she had two children. I did not understand her loneliness. She did not say, “Mother things are bothering me, please help me. Please tell me what to do.” In hindsight, I remember her staying very quiet before this happened. She did not talk to me much or interact with the kids. But I could not read the signs. 

What broke me was the fact that my granddaughter saw her mother hanging. I have seen enough of life and I will swallow my tears but my granddaughter should not have seen what she saw. I feel this has traumatized her and effected her mind deeply. The first thing I did was to leave that place. I wanted to take my grandchildren far away from that house. My husband understood my situation and he bought me this house. We all moved here. She has turned 4 years now and the memories of my daughter seem distant but it is still there and every time I talk about it tears form in my eyes. Sometimes, when angry my granddaughter brings up her mother. When I ask her to study and do her homework, she says, “Let me be. My mother is dead, why do you bother me?” I go to the room and cry. But I wipe my tears and come back to her. I give her all the love. I hope she will be able to understand someday, this cruel nature of life. I am happy that she is going to Kopila Valley School. All I want for her is to understand and move on from the memory that has affected her little mind.” 

Stories of Nepal X BlinkNow